Salutations and hello.
I am here, wishing I had HBO (for True Blood Season Finale) and drinking cheap red wine while playing around with some yarn. Basically like a big drunk kitten.
I wanted to blog more, blog about grad school and moving to nyc and all that jazz, but the truth is nothing has really set in yet. I’m not depressed, I’m just getting by is all.
The times when I realize I’ve moved are when I have to run up by Union Square to this little gourmet food shop in search of tasty power-fu salad. Or watching the sun set over the lower skyline of Manhattan from the J train on my way home on Tuesdays.
this is just life with different public transportation best that I can tell right now.
Each week I’ve set out with ambitious goals of writing, exercising, doing my homework, seeing something new. And each week I fall a little short. But every monday I try again. Try to have the perfect week. Try to be motivated. Try to be myself. Or the me I so desperately want to be, that I know is somewhere inside me.
I try. I miss. I try I again.
There are worse things in life.
I’m on a big occult/ supernatural kick, both in what I’m reading and watching and thinking about and writing. In my younger days of being a wiccan, I missed out on a lot of fun by believing too completely that which I thought to be real. This time I believe nothing, and so everything seems possible (if not probable). I throw away no dogma or myth, an can incorporate everything into my brain, to be digested and mixed. It’s like a magick jumbalya up there lately.
So the details are boring, but the space between the details feels tense with possibility and intrigue. I guess I’m in a musing sort of space, which is classically where my best pre-writing occurs.
Words aren’t doing me much good right now, they aren’t flowing beautifully from poised fingers on a keyboard. But the shadows look important and that is something.
I’m going to pause here to say once again I’m drinking and musing, and in my recent declaration to go off meds, I have not snapped and begun practicing Hoodoo, Voodoo, or Catholicism. I’m just enjoying the part of my my brain that thinks ‘what if?’.
- Did you the know that in old time punctuation you could use a ? or a ! mid sentence? ( At least I think I read that somewhere. I don’t much feel like checking for you right now).
So tomorrow I try again. This week I’d like to write 5k words or more. I’d like to do all of my homework and reading assignments in a timely manner, I’d like to get in 3 – 5 hours of cardio, and run all of my errands.
Right now, Sunday night, this all feels possible, nay probable. But will see if By tuesday I feel the same way.
So I’m at the Boys apt, and I’m waiting for my iphone to charge before I leave to head back home. I’m of course starving, because it’s sunday morning, and there is nothing in this world I love more than eating on sunday morning, especially downtown with so many tasty brunch options. Must charge iphone first. Then for the 2 freaking hour trek home.
Though it’s gorgeous out so I imagine I’ll enjoy most of it.
So, what has been going on? Well this weekend I saw some craptacular movies: Terminator Salvation and Drag Me to Hell. To be fair, Drag Me to Hell was so bad, that Terminator Salvation no longer seemed bad, it just seemed not good.
As for Drag Me to Hell, I’ll give Sam Raimi credit, he knows how to make a person jump. I must have jumped 12 or 13 times during the movie, but that really isn’t the same as scared, that’s surprised. There was no psychological fear behind it, just tricks of the horror movie trade. Also it was gross movie filled with intentionally gross scenes that weren’t scary just uncomfortable.
Highlight of Terminator Salvation? The cinematography. It was stunningly bleak in a post-apocalyptic fashion. Every shot was epic and could stand alone. Actually the movie was so visually complete they should consider showing it without the sound. Maybe people would make up a better plot.
This week I am going to see Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman at a crazy sold out charity event in NYC in a bookstore on a wednesday night. I really can’t imagine what it’s going to be like. I’m very very excited.
Okay maybe I’ll continue charging the iphone at some small brunch place. I have no idea how I’m this hungry, but maybe it has something to do with being up till 3:30 playing rockband.
i’ve been obsessed lately with the idea of this haunted america right below the surface of what we see. we are a culture largely devoid of ruins, obsessed with rebuilding, and improvements, that nothing gets to crack, peel, and decompose a slow and painful death.
…saw you in the shipwreck disco…
It’s a rare thing to find me bored. But reading is giving me a headache, and I’m on a bus so there you have it
Oh, wait…typing is way worse.
Aborting blog.
(I dreamt of you last night, so real and I thought I saw my opportunity and missed it again. It’s been at least six months since I’ve dreamt of you. It’s been over two years since I’ve seen you. Why am I fighting back tears for some piece of a dream that is no more true than a memory?
God, it’s been so long since I could feel the fault line in me spreading out. )
***
Nothing official to report, though we are only waiting on one more letter for the announcement of what I’ll be doing and where I’ll be going. I think I’ll start blogging more then. It’s hard to blog about things that you don’t want to talk about.
***
Been writing again. New stuff. Different stuff. We’ll see.
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26 Female, seeking solace and laughter in the dark. Smokers preferred.
***
So yeah, I guess I haven’t blogged much since my birthday. World hasn’t really changed much between 25 and 26 except the subtle realization that I’m moving forward in time and I can’t stop it. It’s not the first time I’ve realized that, and likely won’t be the last. Always surprising though, that we are aging. Aging is more surreal to me than any number of psychotropic drugs. Death is a mind fuck.
***
On the 4th season of Dr. Who so my internal narrator is David Tennet. What an odd sensation. I suppose this wouldn’t keep happening to me if I didn’t discover a new series and then devour it from beginning to end. After I finish my homework I’ll probably kill most of the 4th season today. I’m pet sitting at Sara’s and sunday tv is notoriously bad.
***
Hopefully by next friday I’ll have a real blog up here with what I’m doing, where I’m going, and all that snazzy stuff. Until then, try to enjoy my tweets and pics and other random stuff.
cheers,
tricia & the doctor
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