America, why do you hate my body?
Why do you persist in telling me what beautiful is? A concept so old and misunderstood that philosophers have tried to grasp it since the dawn of pointless thought. But not you, you believe you have a grasp, and whatever it is at that moment, you know it isn’t me. It isn’t 99% of women in this country.
What started this? The reality show you’ve got on your airwaves now, More to Love. Why do real women need their own reality show? Why must you broadcast their height and weight, treating it as a freak show.
You love my breasts, America, I know you do. And who can blame you.
You love my large round ass too, I hear you cat-call as I jiggle down the street.
More then once, America, you have begged to get between my thighs that have always touched.
And America, when you curl up on me after a long night together, I’ve never once heard you wish that you could feel my ribs more as you slowly fall asleep.
So why do you persist in playing this game?
I’m a size ten, and learning that that’s okay.
But you’re not, America. You told me at an 8 and even at a 6 that I could always be thinner. I could always show more clavicle.
You know what, you aren’t perfect either.
You can be cruel, and stupid, and crass at times, America.
Your manners are often abysmal, and you could stand having a little work done too. You pretend we don’t notice the crumbling cities and deteriorating highways, but we notice. It’s just sometimes, we are too polite to say anything.
I do yoga, I walk. I get regular check ups and know that my glucose and cholesterol are fine.
Why do you hate my weight more than the fact I smoke?
This isn’t love. Not the way that I need it, America.
So starting today, starting this minute, I will judge myself, and ask that you do the same.
So I commenced. the highlight of the ceremony for me was Dr. Cornell West’s moving speech that was more like a tent revival sermon than a commencement speech, but had the wonderful messages every adult student should hear. None of the “today is the first day of a journey towards blah blah blah.” He started off by saying that when we honor him we honor his mother and the church he grew up in, and I thought that really resonated with the support structures so crucial in adult education. He talked about liberation theology (though never calling it that) and about hope and change and about giving back to our communities, which isn’t just the mission of saint joes, it is beaten into our soft skulls.
I wish I had a copy of his speech, it’s something I’d love to always have.
Then they gave me a fake diploma. And that was cool, but honestly I was so out of it by then it’s hard to really recall a lot of the morning.
One of my sister’s never showed, but my real family was there:
But the whole day left me with odd thoughts about my family and what I should do moving forward. I don’t know, but I think I need to try harder and stop being hostile just because I think that they hate me.
lots of pictures taken. sorry.
Anyhow, I had the day off and it went too quickly. Tomorrow back to the office, which I resent even more now that I don’t have school. I know it’s weird.
I have a ghost story for the blog, but I’m pretty sure I’m singing karaoke with the ghost on wednesday so maybe I’ll update after that.
Update ~ Oct 12, 09:49 PM
My view from the 3rd Obama Rally in Philly on Saturday:
This was them taking down the barricade and flag at 52nd and Spruce when they realized they couldn’t fit the crowd into the area originally planned.
Kate and I went down together and it was amazing. Definitely a moment in history. The diversity of the crowd and the excitement were overwhelming. I look forward to November 4th even more now, if that’s possible.
All images were taken with Silas, my new iPhone, and edited with CameraBag from the app store.
Unrelated, finally got my third agreement for a recommendation letter, and I’m thrilled that she’s able to do it. I’m handing out the packets on Wednesday because I still need to grab international postage for the envelopes.
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